Opinion: 10 positions in sports I would be the worst at

Nolan Collery is an inspiring man.

In the fall, Collery wrote about the top 10 sports he would be the worst at. His article has inspired me to write about the 10 positions in sports I would be the worst at. So here they are.

But first, some rules.

Criteria

This list focuses on how bad I would be at the position in professional sports. While I might be a decent wide receiver in 4-on-4 intramural flag football, that doesn’t mean I should be lining up against Jalen Ramsey.

I am also keeping this list to team sports. Otherwise, I am just copying Collery’s article.

My qualifications

I’m 5-foot-11 and 155 pounds. I would call myself an all-around average athlete who desperately needs to hit arms at the gym. Growing up, I tried pretty much every sport possible, played varsity soccer, ran cross country and track in high school.

Center, Basketball

I could have included all five positions on a basketball court in this article, but no one wants to hear me moan about my meager basketball abilities for 1000 words.

The average height of an NBA center is just over 6-foot-11. That’s a foot taller than me. The average weight of an NBA center is around 245 pounds. That’s 90 pounds more than me.

Could you imagine me meeting Nikola Jokic in the paint? He would laugh at me, push me to the side and break Wilt Chamberlain’s scoring record.

Furthermore, I suck at basketball. My intramural basketball team lost by a combined 127 points over three games.

Being incredibly undersized and bad at basketball isn’t a good combination when going against NBA talent.

Pitcher, Baseball

According to Top Velocity, the average man can throw a baseball 45-65 mph. I’ll give myself the benefit of the doubt and say I can manage 60.

What would the average MLB player do against a 60-mph pitch? Just look at the home run derby.

Hopefully, I’m pitching for the Mariners because otherwise, those baseballs will be hitting cars.

Spotter, Gymnastics

While technically not a position in sports, I count this nonetheless.

The spotter is in charge of saving gymnasts from potentially harmful falls. This can include catching gymnasts who fall from jumps, throwing mats onto trampolines to stop athletes from bouncing awkwardly or pushing padding onto metal bars to stop gymnasts from hitting their head.

The problem is that I have never competed in gymnastics. I do not know the difference between standard and out-of-control flips.

So not only would I ruin incredible feats of athleticism, but I would also be responsible for bad injuries.

Offensive Lineman, Football

Guard, Tackle, Center, I would suck at all three.

With some offensive linemen weighing twice as much as me, I would stand out like a sore thumb.

Plus, guess what defensive linemen love to do: target the weakest link. T.J. Watt, get ready to set some records.

Sprinter, Cycling

In cycling, teams of typically eight riders compete to get one rider on the team over the line first. On these teams, one cyclist is tasked with explosively racing to the finish. This rider is known as a sprinter, and their job is to place as high as possible to earn points for the team.

In premier races like the Tour de France, sprinters can read speeds above 40 mph. Usually, that’s after cycling for over 100 miles.

For starters, there’s no way I am within 70 miles of the pack by the end of the race. Even if I get to start with fresh legs at the start of the sprint, I can’t reach speeds anywhere near 40 mph.

I’m going to be a hazard out there.

Relay-race member, Swimming

It does not matter the stroke technique, and it does not matter the distance: if I am put in a pool, I am losing my team in the race.

I won’t drown, but I might have to pull out the doggy paddle at times.

Anything but the coxswain, Rowing

Please refer to the ‘desperately needs to hit arms at the gym’ part. Rowers are insanely strong athletes and I am not an insanely strong athlete.

Owen Cameros is a second-year majoring in broadcast journalism. To contact him, please email ohc5024@psu.edu.