Ranking: “THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY” - Taylor Swift

In light of the two-year anniversary of Taylor Swift releasing “THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY” happening this month, it’s time for a rerank.

“THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT” (TTPD) was released on April 19, 2024, with a surprise double album dropping later that night titled “THE ANTHOLOGY.”

TTPD is arguably Swift’s best work yet, landing at the top of many fans’ album rankings. Now that two years have gone by to digest the masterpiece, it’s the perfect time to revisit and give the tracks their official ranking.

It’s important to mention that TTPD has absolutely no skips, so there are no bad songs in this list, just ones that don’t measure up to the rest.

There’s no better way to rank Taylor Swift songs than by using Tumblr user jesseepinkman’s song sorter, which is where this list came from. You can't argue with raw data.

31. “Cassandra”

“Cassandra” landed in last place two years ago, and last place is where she will unfortunately stay.

30. “The Manuscript”

“The Manuscript” was the perfect ending to the 31-track double album. Lyrically speaking, it’s the meaningful, emotional seal to TTPD, but it just doesn’t stack up to the other tracks.

29. “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)”

This song took a tumble in the rankings, but it never really stood out to begin with.

28. “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys”

Similarly to “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can),” this track doesn’t quite measure up to the rest and often falls into the background.

27. “I Look in People’s Windows”

The only issue with this song is that, at only two minutes and 12 seconds long, it is way too short.

26. “thanK you aIMee”

It’s catchy, fun and kind of shady, but “thanK you aIMee” just doesn’t stand out.

25. “The Albatross”

“The Albatross” actually landed in the top five on first listen. While it’s still an amazing song, it hasn’t had as much staying power as its peers.

24. “How Did It End?”

This placement might be controversial, but again, you can’t argue with data.

23. “Robin”

“Robin” has bumped up quite a few places in the ranking. It’s such a sweet, innocent track with a really beautiful bridge.

22. “The Tortured Poets Department”

While fans still wrestle with the “We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist” line, there’s no denying that “At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger / And put it on the one people put wedding rings on / And that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding” is gut-wrenching.

21. “The Alchemy”

One of Swift’s first songs about her now-fiancé Travis Kelce, “The Alchemy” is a love song mixed in with devastating melodies, capturing the duality of TTPD as a whole.

20. “Florida!!! (Ft. Florence + The Machine)”

The build-up of the bridge in “Florida!!!” is perfect for scream-singing in the car. Ranking almost last upon first listen, it was definitely a track that took some getting used to.

19. “Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus”

The line “If you wanna tear my world apart / Just say you’ve always wondered” is too real. Chloe et. al., you will always be famous.

18. “imgonnagetyouback”

“imgonnagetyouback” will always be amazing. “Even if it’s handcuffed, I’m leavin’ here with you.” Come on.

17. “The Bolter”

The chorus and melody of this track are still so satisfying.

16. “So High School”

“So High School” is such a feel-good, nostalgic love song. It’s another beautiful glimmer of hope in this album so full of heartbreak.

15. “Fortnight (Ft. Post Malone)”

“Fortnight” was TTPD’s lead single, still holding strong in the rankings two years later.

14. “Down Bad”

Blondie always says what we’re all thinking.

13. “So Long, London”

There’s not much else to say about “So Long, London” except: wow. Hearing Swift perform this song at the Eras Tour through a bad-quality livestream was everything.

12. “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived”

“Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?”

11. “Who’s Afraid of Lil Old Me?”

The pure rage heard through Swift’s vocals on this track are just perfect. “You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me” is still an iconic line.

10. “Clara Bow”

Kicking off the top 10 is “Clara Bow,” bumping up only one place from my prior ranking.

9. “Guilty as Sin?”

This song definitely took some warming up to, as it was previously ranked at number 26.

8. “Fresh out The Slammer”

The dark guitar riff at the beginning of “Fresh out The Slammer” truly never gets old. The pre-chorus is beautiful as the song reflects what it’s like to have that lingering attachment to your familiar past.

7. “But Daddy, I Love Him.”

“But Daddy I Love Him” is so fun and refreshing, with nostalgic energy that feels like early summer.

6. “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart”

This track definitely takes the cake for being TTPD’s anthem.

5. “I Hate It Here”

Starting off strong in the top five is “I Hate It Here.” It’s perfect.

4. “The Prophecy”

As someone who sobbed profusely at the release of “Foolish One,” one can only imagine the damage that “The Prophecy” did. Foolish ones around the world can all relate to this one.

3. “Peter”

“Cause love’s never lost when perspective is earned” is one of the best lyrics on “Peter.” She is a genius.

2. “loml”

There aren’t enough good things to say about “loml.” When Swift sang this song at the Eras Tour mashed up with “White Horse,” it changed lives.

1. “The Black Dog”

Coming in hot as the number one song on “THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY” is “The Black Dog.” Listening to this song feels like an out-of-body experience, and even on my happiest days I will press play on this absolute heart wrencher. It is genuinely a top three Taylor Swift song of all time, not just on TTPD.

Sarah Gavlak is a fourth-year majoring in telecommunications. To contact her, please email sng5393@psu.edu.